Charlie and the Dog Show

The Lakes, where we live in Palm Desert, California, had their first annual dog show in 2007 when Charlie was 3. He did not know any tricks - unless you count sitting - so we did not enter him in the obedience competition. Instead, we signed him up for two other categories: the Owner-Dog Lookalike (Yes, we were both blond, but his hair color was actually real.) and the Best of Show, a doggie beauty contest.

In the Owner-Dog Lookalike, I put my hair in dog-ears, and put us both in leopard print tops and we pranced around the stadium trying to look, well, alike. Unfortunately but perhaps predictably, we lost to a friend in a Zorro cape, hat and sword, whose dog (Zorro) also wore a cape (and was adorable).

In the Best of Show, Charlie, who was a tad overweight (which should have helped us in the lookalike category), lost to a slim chocolate lab named Gracie from Seattle, who also excelled in the trick/obedience competition. Let’s just say that she was beautiful AND smart, a prize-winning, albeit annoying, combination.

Jerry and I are tennis players, and competitive juice runs in our veins. We analyzed Charlie and began preparations for the second annual dog show. First we had to deal with the weight issue. (And of course this would be good for his health, too!)

While our beloved Lady was an exceptional sportsdog—she could jump, catch, and retrieve a ball from 100 feet—Charlie’s area of expertise has always been finding food. As a result of his avid and incessant interest in things edible, combined with extensive dog training using, of course, treats, he tipped the scales at 110. My long-time vet chastised me (like it was my fault!) and immediately put him on her highly acclaimed “Green Bean Diet”. For each meal, Charlie got half the normal allotment of kibble plus a whole can of green beans. So every week I had to buy 14 cans of green beans and found myself explaining to the checkout clerk how I am really quite a gourmet cook and habitually use only the freshest ingredients, but these were for my dog. Whereupon, he or she replied: “Of course they are, Madam.” Or the abbreviated: “Yeah, right.”

The good news was that Charlie loved his green beans and did a little dance every time I opened a can. AND the vet weighed him in at a svelte 88 pounds a year later! Of course this was after he had thrown up the five sacks of Halloween candy he had just inhaled, wrappers and all. I guess a dog can only follow the ascetic life for so long.

Our second strategy was to teach him a trick so he could be in the obedience competition. We felt that Gracie, while definitely beautiful and fit, had also had a leg up on Charlie because she had been brilliant and obedient as well.

Most of the tricks in the 2007 dog show had involved either catching frisbies, tennis balls, or waiting patiently for a treat. Athletic feats were definitely out for Charlie. He doesn’t retrieve, and if you throw him a goodie it usually bounces off his nose. On the other hand, he was highly motivated by food and we saw huge potential in the treat-wait.

Jerry began working with him twice a day. He had him sit, lie down, and stay. Jer then put a treat a few feet away and made Charlie stay for longer and longer times until he said okay. The waits got longer, the treats got closer, until finally we achieved the piece de resistance! We could put two treats on his two paws, and he would wait until Jerry left the room and came back and said okay! We were ready for Oprah, let alone our little dog show.

To our intense regret, the 2008, 2009, and this very week the 2010, dog shows were all cancelled! Possibly, one might hypothesize, due to dispirited pet-owners who had heard the rumors of Charlie’s newly toned physique and impressive treat-resistance. But probably because they could not find enough volunteers to work on it.

So it’s looking like the Lakes first annual dog show will be our only-ever dog show, and Gracie’s reign will never end. But Charlie is looking good and we are ready for Oprah’s call.